Here are just some thoughts I have. I hope I don't come off as a jerk :>
I can hear you piling on the octaves in the beginning. A nice way to provide fill when the melody goes unchanged (maybe look at stereo separation for a different feel).
I feel the mix becomes kinda cluttered around the 0:30 mark when you add a fifth(?). I feel there needs to be some balance between how loud the leading fifth is against the background for it to go smoother. Maybe pull up the background a little and lessen the reverb on the lead?
Also when the cymbals at 0:59, 1:14, 1:28 and 1:43 are heard I feel they come off very bland without anything accompanying the high treble. Maybe a bass-drum hit with the same intensity but not necessarily duration.
Otherwise an interesting track. Keep it up :D